Excuse me, your stress is showing

As if the office stress, travel stress, what-to-eat-next stress wasn’t enough, the new kind of stress that is hovering people is the ‘I don’t look good enough’ stress.

No idea, why!

My sister whenever tries a new dress, sits us up in a round table conference, questioning, if she looks fat in the dress she’s trying on? This process is repeated every three minutes, till her shopping bags go empty.

That’s not it, the question is fired at us even for the clothes she regularly wears, and well, the night dress too.

The question ‘do i look fat in this’ is asked with such sincerity as if the changes in the diet plan will be made with immediate effect, however, allow me to bring this to your notice that nothing has been done so far in this regard.

It has become a monthly ritual that is performed to ensure that no mass from the body is lost. Additions to the body mass are more than welcome.

With an affirmative answer to her question, she goes to bed with satisfaction that she is still fat! And there’s nothing to be worried about.

Just because being slimmer brings with it several additional responsibilities of fitting into good old clothes which were purchased on the pretext of wearing them one fine day, and that’s too much of a stress. Not needed, definitely!

But when you are fat, you are just fat. All you got to do is, buy new clothes, and you are sorted.

Anyway, there is no happy answer to this question, ‘Do I look fat?’, when you know you have been hogging left, right and centre, and not exercising.

You ask someone if you are looking fat, and if that person says ‘no’, you will turn around and say, “liar, saying this to make me feel good.” When you know the answer, you are never in a losing situation.

But those who take the stress of not being good enough and let their self-esteem depend on their looks, there’s no connect between the flesh on your waist or tummy to your goodness.

Like my sister, she has made peace with her body, and doesn’t think that shedding those extra 5 or 10 kilos, okay fine, 15 kilos would add on to her happiness.

Summer Vacations are here. Yayie! Well, not.

It’s so depressing. Everyone is flaunting their exotic vacation. Timelines packed with photos from all over the world, minus Mussoorie, Nainital or Shimla. Because summers are here. And so are vacations. Yayie! Well, not.

Fellow depressed people raise your hands. Moral support needed! With these vacation pictures rubbed right in my face, I need someone to share my lack of vacation woes with.

You are a criminal if you aren’t vacationing at exotic places this summer, or so these vacation snobs feel. Don’t they understand, not everyone can go for a vacation? There may be those who can’t afford it or don’t want to travel for some reason, or simply have evil bosses who don’t grant leaves.

Depression hits another low when you are made to realise that even trees have leaves, but you don’t. Or even the pankha in your room, vo bhi ghoomta hai, but you don’t.

I mean seriously yaar, go wherever you want to. But would you not be a check-in maniac? From international airport to hotels to stoppages. Why don’t you check-in from the loo in Scotland? That’s also phoreign, no?

Don’t be a human equivalent of cloud burst, please!

I understand, you derive extreme pleasure by flaunting your pictures, but I (read: We, for I am the voice of all depressed people) really don’t need to see your 486 selfies and pictures with unknown firangs, or international dogs relaxing by the pool. Also, if you plan to do a facebook live, please please, let it be of something I, your Facebook friend, would like to see. I mean, those videos of a duck being a duck and chilling and eating doesn’t excite me. It depresses me. You went on an exotic vacation for this?!

What, do you want me to unfriend and block you? You know what that would mean, do you? That would mean, one friend less to flaunt your fancy vacation to. Hmm hmm.

I am fed up. And the rest of you, can you not ask 10 thousand questions from those vacationers? Do you even realise those questions and the excited replies to those become notifications for all of us? Also, that makes the album “Scotland trip with frnzzz” pop on our timeline again and again.

Most of us, are already feeling low and can do nothing about it, can you please let us live in peace?

Happiness is Mom-made!

Chhole Bhature is a dish that you can easily find in every nook of Delhi. This city loves chhole bhature at any time of the day. To make things pleasurable for all, October 2 was declared as International Chhole Bhature Day back in 2012, and the city has been celebrating it ever since.

Being a Delhite, my love for the soft and spongy Bhaturas with saucy Chhole knows no bounds. I would even rate a hospital basis unki canteen mein chhole bhature kaise milte hain. And when those puffed breads and chickpeas are homemade, it’s like so many yummy cherries on the cake. It is synonymous with Happiness is Homemade.

We rarely go out for dinners, or order in, since my mother is a delightful cook. And when you find flavours in your home’s kitchen, there’s hardly any need to hunt places for lip-smacking delicacies either.

What made me all sentimental about home-cooked food?
Well, it was yet again a Happy Chhole Bhature Day at my place, and this dope left me drooling.

 

 

💗 Mom-made Chhole Bhature 💗

 

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will…
A plateful of chhole bhature will give you the needed thrill.

 

Funny?! Nah, I’m Hilarious

Not everything we say, or we do is meant to be funny. But sometimes, things turn out way too awkward, may be for you and funny for others.

Like this one:

It was once when I was taking an interview, all lively and enthusiastic to have been interviewing candidates; and bossily telling them to wait in the waiting room till I call them for the second round. Now here goes a conversation which was a near death experience for me, though, not literally.

Me (to Receptionist): Hi Neha, please send Mr. Vikas inside.

Receptionist: Ma’am, the candidate is no more.

Me (jumping out of my chair): What?? How?? What happened to him? Who took him to hospital? And yes, how do you know he’s dead??

Receptionist: Dead?! No-No, he said he was getting late, so he left.

Me: Shit!! You scared the hell out of me!

Apparently, it was more or less an error at her end, but makes me laugh when I think of it now.

And this one, an *oh shit* moment for me; and an amusing one for the people around who were laughing at me. I could almost hear them say *this girl is nuts*.

Delhi Metro: Announcement *Next Station Is Chandni Chowk*

Me: *Listening to Song-Chandni Raatein*

Uncle: Which is the next Station??

Me: Uncle, “Chandni Raatein“.

Uncle: O.o

Me: *oh no*

People Around: LoL-ing!

All I could do was face away from them, plug the music back in my ears, and pretend that I don’t care.

Few more, these ones on my height!

It seems that, people love to make fun of vertically challenged people.

What infuriates me the most is when people ask me ‘What’s your height?’ and the moment I say, its 5’1”…the expressions that I get from them are more like *we regret the inconvenience caused to you*.

Not funny, trust me!

People fail to understand my *height* issue is as sensitive for me as *weight* issue is for most girls.

Another embarrassing one, for me. Funny for the people around!

My friends and I, in an idle conversation…

Friend 1 (to Friend 2): When did you move to Delhi?

Friend 2: When I was 8, very young!

Me: 🙂

Friend 3 (to Friend2): And short in Height?

Friend 2: Yes!!

Me: 🙂 *enjoying the conversation*

Friend 1 (to Friend 2): How short?

Friend 2: *pointing towards me*­­­ This Short!

Friend 1, 2, 3: *burst out laughing*

Me: O.o *I Hate you guys*

Now that I literally dislike two of them, the sound of their chuckle in my head, hurts even more!

This one’s the situation I encountered in my office—during the happy hours, i.e. the lunch break.

Me (taking out veggies from my Fried Rice)

Colleague: What’s up?

Me: Separating rice from veggies.

Colleague: What’s your height?

Me:  O.o *get lost*

Colleague: Jo vegetables nahi khaate na, vo height mein chhote reh jaate hain.

Other Colleagues Around: *laughing fit hits them*

Me:  *gets up, picks up the food, and goes back to my work station* and *cribs*

These were few out of many situations which weren’t meant to be funny, but turned out so…ultimately!

But like I say (actually Habib Bourguiba quoted it­ – but I smoothly take the credit for quoting it, every time) ‘Happy is the Person Who Can Laugh at Himself (Herself in this case)’. 😉

P.S. – Laugh at people only if you can laugh at yourself. It is tough, but I’m doing pretty good at it 😛

And yes! I’m hilarious, because I survived all these situations, most of which were embarrassing enough for me to have jumped off the terrace. I’m hilarious, because I’m sharing it here, for readers to secretly make fun of me.