Too Lazy To Give It A Title

Not that I‘m in a mood to write it, but have got nothing else to do. I have had  juice, coffee, chips, read few pages of my favourite-till-date novel, called up a friend, made random drawings on my official note pad, posted statuses on twitter and facebook, read others’ unnecessary tweets and facebook posts, through with whatsapp chats, thought random stuff like no celebrity deaths from quite a while, and Yes! I have also completed my work for the day.

Dead tired (I’m sure you realise how much tiring my day abhi tak must have been), so bad that even music isn’t helping. Now I want to doze off.

Sachhi, I’m one of those who can rule the world, but I choose to sleep and do that later!

I just mentioned na that I have tried my brain at thinking too…I thought of one very important thing. So important that the parents of most of us are ready with it even before we are born. Often heard, ‘mera beta toh engineer banega engineer’.  And the rest of us are told to start thinking about it since we are 0 years. Vision and Mission of our life!

Still unaware of what exactly do I want to do with my life, I’m struggling to survive each day – earning peanuts, with which I only manage to get my phone recharge done. Money Minded Network Providers, I tell you.

I believe, I‘m not meant to work, but to do enjoyable, interesting things – make fun of others and drink coffee, read and drink coffee, write and drink coffee, sleep, wake up and drink coffee. Sounds fun, no?

I like most things on earth – from books, birthday balloons, to bigger aliens, tiny ghosts; and also boring things boulders & pebbles. My philosophy is very simple – Arrey bhayi, jo hai vo hai, jo nahi hai…uska mekko kya.

But then, I still have no idea what should I be doing in order to become rich.

People around me have become money minting machines, and I just don’t react to their affluence. *Jerks*

After all I’m not a chemical yaar, how can I react to stuff as small as this, when I didn’t react to issues of national importance like getting Chunky Pandey arrested for being an actor, Sunny Deol for ‘Jaal- the trap’, Vivek Oberoi for ‘Home Delivery’, Salman Khan for that lame ‘Revital Ad’; and Dino Morea for that expressionless face.

Vision-less Mission-less life is so tough to live, believe you me.  I live, irrespective, procrastinating all the important tasks. Sometimes I have so much to do that I end up doing nothing! 😀

But I’m a hard worker, you know, those “Been There, Done That” types. And I hope to become a smart worker, you know, those “Been There, Got It Done” types!

Guess I need to get in touch with Nirmal Baba, and find out…Kripa kahan ruki hui hai.

Well, even this post doesn’t make sense, I toh told you that I‘m bad at writing.

Yaar, Bura na maano, LoL hi hai!

Sometimes the best things in life are the appreciations – other times its sleep.

Though I strongly believe, I lack writing skills, I write irrespective – not-so-happening blog posts, plus I work as a writer. Cruel, no?

Yea, so coming to the point, a friend recently came across my oh-so-awesome write ups (Yes! You can laugh! :-|) and appreciated those too. Guess, he had no choice. No one can even think of losing a friend like me. (Yes! You can laugh again or break into happy nagin dance or have a pizza party, suit yourself!)

Poor chap, unaware of the drought in my writing area, asked me to write stories. Doesn’t even know that I wish to have a fantastic imagination more than money.

A little secret, I desire to be rich enough to answer the waiter with “Bottled water” every time they ask me if I would like to have bottled water or regular one. Not to mention the look that I get from them after I reply, the look which says, “oh ho, how unfortunate.”

Now you know how desperate I am to inculcate in me those writing qualities which will help me out from the land of unsophisticated what-I-call-write ups!

[Okay, Don’t wait for me to tell you to laugh every time, you can laugh without waiting for me to say the pleasing words]

So here’s how my story starts, but when you’ll read through, you’ll get to know that it doesn’t even reach its mid, forget about the end. 😛

***

“Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a bear”, said his mom.

He sat there indifferent. Staring out of the window, in his thoughts, still trying to make sense of what she said…

*The Day Before*

Rachit went to meet her, all excited. He told her, “I might not be rich, I have no money or villa or cars or companies like my friend Sushant, but I love you”. She looked at him – touched, tears in her eyes. She hugged him like there is no tomorrow and whispered in his ear, “If you love me, introduce me to Sushant.”

Things went pear-shaped for him. She looked at his face and said, “But I adore you.”

***

He thought of films like The Notebook – which he had seen too many times for a guy, Gone with the Wind and Valentine’s Day. He had somehow developed a feeling that relationships can be heart-warming, enjoyable and tear-jerking. Then he considered his previous relationships and the one that was about to begin, but couldn’t, and says to himself, “shit, I must be a legendary looser”. All the relationships he had been a part of, ended in ‘heartbreak’.

A shriek from his mother brought him back to reality! Distracted, he begins to think of as to why one needs to cut hair. Puzzled, he tries to figure out if hair was supposed to be cut, why we weren’t born without them. Suddenly he shouts out loud, “I say why cut your hair in the first place? A bear’s mom never asks him to cut its hair. And being its lookalike, I can roam around shabbily and sloppily.”

***

And then I went into the story and politely told him, “Oww Kid, maybe it’s just that these girls can’t handle your extremely good looks and your thoughtfulness, or may be your extensive up-to-the-minute wardrobe.”  Please Excuse, I’m just trying to make him feel better. Okay! “Son, women are too much work, attempting to become the ideal boyfriend and buying them the gifts for every single holiday is passé”.

***

The story doesn’t make sense? Hai na! Told you. I feel sorry for you. Seriously! But more than that I feel sorry for myself, because I wasted meri-life-ka-keemti-waqt to prove you that I’m terrible at story writing!

Whatever, I guess appreciations are the best things in life, sometimes only, the times these motivate you to write something worthwhile, unlike this one. Other times its sleep. Confident of the latter!

Calling all the Fault Finders!

Are you annoying, supremely irritating, and habitual of criticising people?
Yes? Oh cool. This is the place for you.

Welcome to my very own Club. Arre, membership free hai! Just that there are some rules to it.

You got to criticise a minimum of three things a day. Spend more than four hours a day finding faults in others. Oops! Have people already started avoiding you? But, why? I’m ungetting it! (I know it is incorrect English, just sounded funny)

Well, I guess people find it really difficult to cope with happy folks like us, who are such experts at finding faults. We can give them a complex even when they may have just conquered the world. Yes! No matter what people do to try and be perfect, we can always find something to make them feel worthless. Oh yeah, oh yeah! *dances in Gangnam style*

A question just like that…have you ever rejected a high five? Yes?! Good Job!! Nothing is more insulting for a person than a rejected, ignored high five.

Acha chalo, without further delay I shall start with what I do the best. Criticise!

Ever seen those guys with wallets stuffed with a dozen useless papers and those balloon sized wallets then stuffed in the back pockets of their trousers. How Awkward!

And those who lift stuff from here and there, and produce in front of you as their own. Got to know of a person of late who conveniently lifts whatever I write and with the mere alteration of “ROFL” in the end, she portrays my awesomeness as hers. Ye toh wrong hai bhayi. Chori karna hai toh karo, but Credits toh do!

Also, grand salute to those who refuse to apply plain logic. Like here, a friend once said-

He: Most Painful Goodbyes are the ones that are Never Said and Never Explained!!
Me: lol… Those are not GOOD byes, not even BAD byes…Those are ‘GET LOST’s.

Seriously, was it that tough to comprehend? *rolls eyes* 😛
[Mr. He if you read this, forgive me please, I used it as an example, Only. See, I didn’t even take your name]

Waise, what do you have to say about the ones who do not think before they blabber? Someone once said (Yes, I’ve so many phunny people orbiting around me. Ha! Just Exaggerating!)-

She: I saw it with ‘my own’ eyes.
Me: Oh shit! Really? I usually borrow others’. 😀
She: What?! Comfortability hoti hai?

I couldn’t help but laugh SO hard that I think she lost her Hearibility, Voicibility, Thinkibility to even retain and use those incorrect words that she had thought end in –ility.

I have no clue what was she high on when she said all these things. My sympathies with her Family & Friends. May God Bless Them!

So, I have been there, I’m still there, I’ll remain there…just ‘coz people are more Phunny there. I’ve got to write my blog on something, someone I mean!

Ever seen the way heroes walk away from an explosion, in movies, like they don’t give a damn? That’s how I’ll get out of ‘there’ One Day! (With the background music of Singham, this *Man bhanwar uthe, Tan sihar uthe, Jab khabar uthe, Ke awe…Singham*)