Khabardaar agar smile kiya toh!

Before you go ahead with reading this, make sure that your facial expressions are pathetic and sad. No smiles, else my curse will ensure that you have that constipated look on your face every time you get a picture clicked for your Facebook or Whatsapp profile. Socho!! Can you afford to take that risk?

Now with a serious face, try to understand my point. I have found a mission, finally!

Haan toh here are so many weird people in this world. And this has got nothing to do with the post! I wanted to mention that, yes, just like that. Do you have a problem?

Yeah, so my life’s mission is to help everyone reach the state of zero sense of humour.  Just because laughter is the most useless of human emotions, and one shouldn’t really waste time in taking out those gurgling sound from the throat. Contain your laughter. And indulge in meaningful activities like getting offended, holding grudges, humiliating people. You get it, right?!

The other day this colleague said, “Yaar, mera phone hang kar raha hai.” To which I replied, “Hawww. Tujhse lamba ho gaya toh?” He called me a retard.

Most people don’t get my twisted sense of humour. So funny I used to be. But now…

Hasna hi nahi ji mujhe ab. Aap bhi nahi hasna. Hasne wale intellectual nahi lagte na! Oopar se reputation barbaad. Haven’t you noticed serious people are way cooler than us idiots?

Isliye, here are some pro tips to appear serious all the time.

1. If someone tells you a joke, stare at them as if they’ve lost it. Do a “hmmm” if needed. And to prevent laughing, read all the jokes over the web, and comment “Suna hua hai, puraana hai.” Don’t let a guffaw spoil your serious image.
2. Take everything they say literally. Soon you will be branded as an ass. Chances are they would start avoiding you and jokey stuff around you. Be serious. You see…Win. Over those flippant fools!
3. Act depressed! Now you really need to work on your expressions. Must be like of a person confused, frustrated and fed up. Stand in front of the mirror and rehearse. Besides, keep your eyes droopy, and whenever someone comes and talks to you…just say “kya?” in a truly irritated tone. Only by making them feel that they are the burden on the earth, half of the job will be done.
4. Post sad facebook statuses minimum twice a day. Also, leaving sad comments on others’ happy photos, oh-so-funny status updates should work. Anything non-serious should be strictly prohibited.
5. And if by chance, that lady asks you, “Am I looking fat?” Just say, “Yes, you look fat.” With a straight face, of course. Prefer dying to telling a lie. (Bhagwan ne chaha toh I will write about painless ways of committing suicide, someday.)

Together we’ll spread the message of seriousness all around us. Amen.

WHY??

Why can’t we get what we want?

Is it just an unsolved question or our escape route from out problems? A sentence we use to hide our failures, is it?

Why do we get up everyday?

The Reason One Gets Up Everyday. You may get up thinking that you are getting up for the people around you. But it’s not how it looks or how you feel.

Your family is the reason, your friends are the reason, you need them. You get up for yourself.

There are times when you are alone, there is no one around who could listen to you, how you feel then is totally different to when you have some of your best pals around.

Have you ever thanked your friends for their best company, their support when everyone is against you, their smile reciprocated to yours when you need it?

Why do we need a reason to smile?

Is it that tough to answer? Why can’t one be happy all the time? Why do situations make it hard for us to smile always?

Why do people we know become the people we knew?

Why is it so hard to pick up phone and say “hi” to a friend with whom you have not been in touch from quite a time?

Why most of us are just surviving and not living?

Why can’t we enjoy little slices of life? Why do we find it tough to laugh at ourselves?

Why can’t we let go off the things that make us feel bad?

Why is it so hard to forget the things that bother us? Why can’t we forgive and forget?

Why do we trust lifeless diaries more than living loved ones?

Is it because diaries don’t speak? But then, neither do diaries give solutions to your problems, nor do they care for you. Your loved ones do. How about trusting them instead?

Why are friends not friendly at times?

Is it because they have other things to do? Is it because everyone has their own problems? Or is it because they are just not our friends?

Why is it that money is all what matters for some people?

Money is everything. Money can buy you anything but good character. Still, for some people money value is more than human value. Why?

Why is it so hard for people to understand your feelings?

Why do people just can’t understand you when you want them to? When you just want them to sit and listen to you, how you feel, why don’t they understand it?

Why can’t we figure out what’s happening with us sometimes?

Why can’t we understand our feelings at times? When we have a lot of unanswered questions, why don’t we get an answer to even one?

Why do situations make us question ourselves sometimes? Why?